AA: Im Avi Arditti with Rosanne Skirble. This week on Wordmaster -- what to do when theres only one "you."
RS: Were talking about forms of address. Speakers of other languages may be used to having two ways to address someone -- one formal, the other informal. In Spanish, for instance, theres the formal "usted" and the casual "tu." But in English its "you" and only "you."
AA: So, you may ask yourself, does that mean English speakers have no way to differentiate between formal and informal situations? We asked this question to our friend Mary Newton Bruder, the linguist better known as Grammar Lady.
BRUDER: "We do it by using peoples names. So if we want to be very formal with somebody that weve just met, we use a title plus last name. So Dr. Snow or Mrs. Jones or Miss Scafe, for example. But if we wanted to be less formal and we know the people better, then we use their first names. And the rules for calling people by their first names, generally the older person will suggest, Oh, please call me Joe -- dont call me Dr. Smith, call me Joe, or something like that."
AA: OK, lets say youve just met a person. Rosanne had this question for Grammar Lady: What happens when its a situation where its not immediately clear how formal you should be?
RS: "The reason Im asking is because we have a young man living with us this summer. Hes from Atlanta, and hes a college student. And, he calls me maam. And thats not really something Im used to."
BRUDER: "And does he call your husband sir?"
RS: "Uh-huh."
BRUDER: "OK, I think Southerners tend to be more formal. Hell probably have to be there quite a long time before hell call you by your first name."
RS: "Is this generally a big problem for people coming in from other cultures because in their own languages they have these two levels."
BRUDER: "I think it is a problem because the rules are not necessarily explicit, and people will not say to a non-English speaker, Dont call me Mary, call me Dr. Bruder, for example. I would never say that. I would never correct someone even though I felt uncomfortable with the use of my first name."
AA: "And I guess one thing you never use as a form of address is to call someone mizz. You never say that, Excuse me, mizz. Youd say miss."
BRUDER: "And you wouldnt say missus either."
RS: "Right."
BRUDER: "You would say miss or maam."
AA: "So I suppose people, theyve come over, theyre meeting with a prospective employer or a prospective school, university, that they want to attend, your advice is to be formal, but if the other person, the person in authority, suggests that you loosen up, then you should."
BRUDER: "Then you should do that, yes."
AA: "But still refer to the person by last name, mister or miss or doctor or professor."
BRUDER: "Yes, unless specifically invited on more than one occasion, I would continue to use title, last name, continue to be formal for quite awhile."
RS: "Mary, I think it also has to do with how you feel, or how the person feels talking to you. I can tell someone not to call me maam but I think they have to reach a certain comfort level before theyre able to do that."
BRUDER: "Thats right, because what happens if you ask them to do that before theyre ready, what you get is avoidance. They dont call you anything."
AA: "What bugs me sometimes is when people use my name too much. Its usually salespeople, where they keep using your name. So I guess when youre talking in a situation like a job interview or speaking with a professor, how do you know how often to use the name -- or is it just better to avoid it."
BRUDER: "Use it at the beginning and at the end. Theres no real need to use it in-between time because you know youre speaking to the person. I think thats what bothers you, Avi, is that the person whos trying to sell you something is trying to capture your attention. But he already has your attention and it annoys you to have him keep repeating your name."
AA: "And also when store clerks read your name off your credit card and start calling you by that."
BRUDER: "Especially by your first name. That drives me crazy, too. (laughter)"
RS: If things like forms of address are driving you crazy, you might want to look by Grammar Lady Mary Newton Bruder called "Speaking Naturally: Communication Skills in American English." You can also visit her Web site at www.grammarlady.com.
AA: And thats Wordmaster for this week. With Rosanne Skirble, Im Avi Arditti.
MUSIC: "Only You"/The Platters